Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize