do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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