i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
