I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
