drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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