My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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