watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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