Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
