Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
