You really coming over, don't trick.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Titoβs?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize