just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
