I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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