3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
