Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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