he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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