were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
