i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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