Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
