of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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