i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
