Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
So. Much. Porn.
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