Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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