I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
