They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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