Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
COCAINE IS GR8
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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