Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
