Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
