I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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