you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
