she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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