I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
