I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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