True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
