Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
