i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
