did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
a search helicopter?!
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
