She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I need you to know Iām weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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