My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Randomize
