so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
