It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Randomize
