using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
