Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
