I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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