I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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