I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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