What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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