someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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