i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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