I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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