The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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