I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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