I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
