yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
