I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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