I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize