eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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