you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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