just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
