I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Welp...herpes.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
