I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
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