Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
