absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
