If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
