I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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