Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize