booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
